Why is playing poker so hard!

So have been trying and trying to get myself ready to start playing poker full time and every step of the way I have encountered some dip stick problem! Is this a sign? If it is I am well and truly ignoring it, but come on, things shouldn't be this hard!!

Just to share my pain, and maybe I'm being unreasonable, but its gone something like this...

1) Log onto Full Tilt Poker and decide that I'm gonna play there for a while due to the rake back option and the number of players.

2) Try and deposit funds into my account though my Mastercard, declined! Try Click 2 Pay, no good, try Neteller and I can only deposit $200, so look to upgrade my account. Takes up to 5 business days to register a bank account. See no other option so proceed!

3) Call from Mastercard, my card has apparently been snaffled by some naughty fraudsters so they've cancelled it. Mention I was trying to deposit some money into Full Tilt Poker, line goes suspiciously quiet, repeat line about fraudsters! They've stuffed up, so no credit card for me for a week.

4) Finally Neteller finish their registration process and I can use my Neteller account. Log on...oh no I don't! My account has been closed. Of course it frickin has!! Phone Neteller,

Neteller 'Sir, you are trying to use Neteller from the USA'

Me 'No I'm not, i'm in the UK'

Neteller 'Sir, your IP address shows you are in Washington'

Me 'I wish I was in Washington, its raining here in London at the moment. Do you think my ISP might be routing me through Washington'

Neteller....pause 'Will you hold sir'

Me...sigh 'Yes'

Neteller 'Sir, we are going to have to call you back for security purposes, what is your mobile' etc

Netteller phones me back, and goes through all the security questions again

Neteller 'Sir, we can confirm you are in the UK'

Me 'Really! thats amazing, didn't I tell you that?'

Neteller 'Yes'

Me 'Can I access my account now'

Neteller 'Yes sir, thank you for using Neteller'

5) Decide it times to INSTANTLY deposit some funds through Neteller. So log on, enter my details...declined. Try again...declined. So I phone my bank, all good there. I then phone Neteller. They then tell me that I am entering the security number on the back of my card incorrectly. Kindly point out that I managed to make it through to a uni level education and there was a whole module on copying, so I have a high proficiency in that. Ask to speak to her supervisor. On comes the supervisor. Conversation goes something like this;

Neteller 'Can I ask you a few security questions sir'

Me 'You've just been passed the phone from your colleague, do we really need to go through this all again, its painful'

Neteller 'Yes sir, we do'

Go through frickin security questions

Neteller 'How can i help you sir'

Me 'I'm trying to deposit money using Maestro and it keeps declining me'

Neteller 'Sir we don't take transactions through the Mastercard network which includes Maestro'

Me 'Then why on earth is it a god damn option on your site if it doesn't work?'

Neteller 'We are experimenting with Mastercard now and hopefully will be an option in the future'

Me 'So how the hell does that help me now then'

Neteller 'It doesn't sir, you could try getting a Visa'

Me 'By saying something that stupid you are really embarrassing yourself'

Neteller 'Sorry sir'

Me 'Right so I can't use my card and I verified my bank account for no reason at all, thank you! what other options are there?'

Neteller 'You could try a bank wire'

Me 'What does that involve?'

Neteller 'You need to do this, and that and then go into your bank to authorise the transaction'

Me 'Taking into consideration your last statement, please explain the point of internet banking and why the hell I would use NETeller if I wanted to go into my bank?'

Awkward pause...

Me 'How about a bank deposit, it say's here its instant. Can you stay on the line why i go through this please'

Neteller 'Yes, certainly sir'

Me 'Ah, look, after going through 3 pages it says it isn't instant after all'

Neteller 'Ah, yes sir, some of our wording on the website is a little...'

Me '...wrong!?'

Neteller 'No sir, not wrong, just...inaccurate'

Me 'You muppet!'

Neteller 'Thank you sir'

Me 'Right I've set up a bank transfer, how long does that take?'

Neteller '2 to 7 business days'

Me 'For gods sake, this is so shit, how are you still in business'

Neteller 'Our services work well in other countries sir'

Me 'I should hope so, because they are terrible in the UK. I need to go now, you've probably raised my blood pressure 10 fold in the last 10 minutes. If this doesn't work, you've officially lost a customer'

Neteller 'Thank you for using Net....'

Me 'Please, shut up' *click*

So current state of play is, no money to play on Full Tilt, I'm utterly disillusioned with the world and am in no state to play.

Thank you Neteller for totally ruining my Sunday night, it takes a lot to piss me off, but you have passed with flying colours!

Wombol...currently NOT playing poker!